


I’ve been leaving you in radio silence, though I’d love to catch a pass

by KirbyBlade



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anger, Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression, breaking up, but only in the first part, dnf could be read as platonic or romantic, i cant write sad endings lmao, implied dnf
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:40:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29527947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KirbyBlade/pseuds/KirbyBlade
Summary: Things don't always work out when you want them too. Sometimes you have to find yourself before you can love somebody else. sapnap and karl learn these lessons the hard way.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs, Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	I’ve been leaving you in radio silence, though I’d love to catch a pass

**Author's Note:**

> work title is from shampoo bottles by peach pit and chapter title is from all i wanted by paramore :3  
> also thank u for 100 kudos on my last fic !!! i swear this one is better tho lol

Sapnap turned around to walk away “all i wanted-” he froze turning around to look at karl “all i wanted was you!” he shouted. Karl had tears streaming down his face. Sapnap couldn't look at him so he turned around and walked out.

Sapnap knew he fucked up. He let himself get so wrapped up in work that he forgot about karl, his boyfriend. And then he just had to get defensive and argue back. He looked out over the fiery sunset from where he sat on a bridge. He knew he had to go back and apologize, but part of him wanted to run and pretend nothing happened, Karl deserves someone better than him. Someone who didn't lash out at the worst times. He looked down at his hands trembling from the chilly fall air then back up to the sun, and after a moment he got back in his car.

  
  


Karl woke up on the couch and looked around disoriented. The events of yesterday afternoon flooded his brain. He sighed checking the bedroom to see if sapnap came home while he was asleep.  _ Empty. _ “Oh…” he at least expected him to come home to sleep. Now he was worried. What if he was hurt? He rushed back to the living room and grabbed his phone. Nothing from sapnap, he frowned. There was a message from George however.

**_George_ **

_ Is everything okay?  _

_ I heard dream on the phone with sapnap last night and it didn't sound good… _

**_Karl_ **

_ What did sapnap say? _

**_George_ **

_ I couldn't hear him, but i think dream went out to meet him. _

_ Karl what's going on? _

  
  


Of course he was with dream, sapnap probably spent more time with dream then him. He disregarded the second message, throwing his phone back on the couch and walking to the kitchen. He didn't even realize he was crying again until he saw his reflection in the toaster. He just felt sad and angry again, but mostly he felt alone. 

  
  


Sapnap sat in his car and ran a hand through his hair. He was parked in some department store parking lot waiting for dream. He didn't know what to do so he had called dream last night and dream said he would come meet sapnap in person tomorrow. He was here now and sapnap was not prepared, although he didn't think he'd ever be prepared for something like this. He watched as dream walked over to his car and got in the passenger seat.

There was a copple seconds of silence before dream spoke up “you’ve really fucked up dude” “no shit sherlock” he snapped back before he realized thats what got him into this mess “sorry… god im such a fucking idiot. What am i even gonna do? I can't  _ just _ apologize, karl is right. I've barely spent any time with him at all the past week or two” dream frowned knowing he was part of the reason, the dream team had been recording a lot of videos recently. “Well do you have any ideas? Something to show that you're gonna spend more time with him maybe?” “i have no fucking clue dude” sapnap put his head in his hands with a groan. They both sat there for a few minutes in a silence that was not comfortable but also wasn't quite uncomfortable either. Sapnap suddenly sat back up “i might have and idea…”

  
  


After karl ate breakfast he moved back to the couch and curled up. Everything hurt. And the more he thought about it the more he realized sapnap had always hung out more with his friends. He knew there was nothing wrong with hanging out with the boys a lot, karl wasn't possessive of him or anything. But frequently ignoring your boyfriend to hang out with your friends was another thing.

It was about 2pm when he got a knock on his door. Karl still didn't move from the couch, he hasn't really moved all day. “Who is it?” he called out suddenly realizing how dry his throat was. There was a small pause before he just barely heard a soft “it's sapnap” he sighed knowing this was now unavoidable. “Come in.” he replied softly.

  
  


Sapnap unlocked the door slowly entering and looking around. He finally spotted karl on the couch. Gently moving over he sat in the comfy chair next to the couch, he was anything but comfortable right now though. He set a bag down on the table and looked over at karls tear streaked face. The first thing he noticed was how dehydrated he looked. “Oh my god karl when was the last time you drank water?” sapnap asked, already walking to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. Karl couldn't even remember so he didn't respond. Sapnap came back and handed him the cup which karl cautiously accepted, then sat back down in the chair. Both sat on edge for a few seconds, karl occasionally taking tiny sips of the water. 

“I'm sorry”

“Are you really? Or is that what  _ dream _ told you to say.”

“Look I know i've been a shitty boyfriend but i want to be better, i am genuinely sorry. I even got us a-”

“I think i need a break” 

Sapnap sat in shock for a minute. He quietly asked “short break or long break?” he knew he couldn't force karl to forgive him. “Long one.” but this hurt a lot. He could feel anger forming in his stomach. Anger at karl, anger at the videos, anger at the world, anger at  _ himself _ . He couldn't lash out again. He pushed down all his feelings and nodded. “I'll come get my things tomorrow then.” he stood up and headed to their no longer shared bedroom grabbing a backpack and throwing in a pair of pajamas, a couple outfits, his phone charger and a few other essentials. He threw on a hoodie and walked out heading to the door. He looked back at karl one last time, who just continued to stare at the floor.

He sighed and closed the door behind him, and the realization hit him. This is real Karl essentially just broke up with him. Now what? Where could he go? What was he going to do without him? Despite his shitty tendencies karl kept him grounded, listened to him when he needed to vent, karl knew all his secrets. He mindlessly walked down to his car leaving their apartment building. He got in his car and started driving, he wasn't sure where but it didn't really matter, he just needed to get away. 

He ended up subconsciously driving to George and Dreams house, pulling up the driveway grabbing his bag and knocking at the door. “Who is it?” he heard George call from inside. He didn't have the energy to speak so he just knocked again softly. He heard a bit of bickering before dream opened the door. “Sapnap?” Dream looked at him, he noticed the backpack slung over his shoulder and the tears that threatened to fall from his dull eyes. “Ohh pandas, comere.” he said, opening his arms, the shorter immediately fell onto him. The tears he had suppressed the entire drive finally fell onto dreams hoodie. He was clutching the back of his hoodie tightly as if letting go would make dream disappear. “Let's get you inside. He said attempting to move the smaller he managed to get the door closed but had to carry the crying boy to the couch, sitting him in between himself and george. The two immediately snuggled into him. “Wanna talk?” George asked quietly. Sapnap shook his head no. “you can stay here as long as you need” dream said to him. Sapnap nodded in response. “You hungry?” dream asked. Sapnap shook his head no and smiled at dream. “Get some rest then you look like a zombie” George added.

Sapnap fell asleep pretty quickly. “Should we carry him to bed?'' George whispers to dream who nods. George sets his switch down on the charger as dream lifts sapnap up bridal style. Despite how gentle dream was sapnap still woke up “sorry.” dream whispered “our bed or guest bed?” sapnap cuddled closer to dreams chest, a silent way of asking him not to leave. “Okay” dream smiled down at him and then followed George to their bed. They all fell asleep cuddled together.

At breakfast the next morning sapnap explained what had happened and that he needed to go get his things and would need some help. George had already said he would stream today so dream agreed to go after breakfast.

  
  


Karl sat on quackity’s bed cuddled up next to him. He didn't think he could emotionally handle seeing sapnap at the moment so he asked quackity if he could spend the day at his house and of course he agreed. Quackity had one hand in karls hair the other scrolling through twitter. “Fans are already starting to worry about you cause you haven't been on twitter. You gonna say anything?” “they'll lose it if i don't” he sighed pulling out his phone to type a tweet out.

**Karl too**

_ @honkkarl _

Some of you guys already noticed but I'm going to be taking a mental health break. Not sure when i'll be back but when i’m i think i might bring back roblox streams but now with q :) 

His notifications flooded with encouraging messages from friends and fans. “That'll calm them for a bit” “what about when they start asking about… him?” karl groaned and buried his face into quackity’s side “sorry. Shouldn't have asked” they sat in a comfortable silence for a while. “I think I'm gonna order some food you want any?” “Sure, I'll have a little of whatever you get.” “nu uh you're not stealing all my food again. I'll get you one too” karl giggled. 

  
  


Sapnap unlocked the door to their- karls apartment. He opened the door to the place that used to fill him with so much comfort, now everything just hurt. He paused and let out a sigh. thoughts started filling his head, some good some bad, but all of them just brought him pain. He was snapped out of his head by a hand rubbing circles on his back out of instinct his brain thought it was karl at first but when he looked back and saw dreams masked face he was brought back to reality. “I'm gonna start grabbing my clothes, could you get my pc?” Dream nodded and headed to the office.

Sapnap walked into the bedroom the, the bed hadn't been touched since the last time he saw it.  _ Oh he has been sleeping on the couch. _ Karl had a habit of sleeping on the couch when he felt his worst. Sapnap walked over and made the bed the way karl liked it. The bed was one of the petty arguments they would get into,  _ how to make the bed _ . After that he moved to the dresser and started putting his clothes in a trash bag but he started to tear up again. He attempted to continue moving his clothes but the tears became to much and he fell to the floor. He really was an asshole, he started so many fights and he didn't even know why. God he was pathetic wasn't he. He was pulled out of his thoughts by a voice from the doorway. “Hey sapnap i finished- oh my god.” Dream ran over to sapnaps side wrapping an arm around him. “Im fucking pathetic this is all my fault.” dream pulled sapnap closer to fully hug him. “Dude i doubt it's all your fault.” 

They sat on the floor, sapnap in dreams arms, for a bit longer. Eventually sapnaps tears slowed down. “Common bud let's go finish up before it gets too late.” dream spoke in a soft voice, rubbing sapnaps back. He nodded and stood up. They gathered up the rest of his things and cleaned up around. When they finally finished the sun was already starting to set so they got in the car and dream started to drive back home. Sapnap went straight to his new room to set his stuff up. Despite the room being smaller than the one he had with karl, it felt so much bigger, more empty. It felt unlived in like a hotel room, didn't really feel like his. After unpacking about a fourth of his clothes he felt tired, he could finish it tomorrow. He threw on an old hoodie and tried not to think about that one time karl wore it as he climbed into the cold unfamiliar bed. He laid staring at the wall for seemingly hours before he finally fell asleep.

  
  


Karl arrived back at the apartment after dark. He unlocked the door and stepped into the now unfamiliar room. It was the same apartment he's lived in for a good few months but without sapnaps things, sapnaps messes, sapnaps  _ presence _ the place felt forgin. He walked into the bedroom to change, got into pajamas and flopped down on the now made bed. It took him awhile before he fell asleep, his mind couldn't stop thinking about whether he made the right choice. 

**Author's Note:**

> so apparently i did NOT need to know html to have italics and bolds i just had to use rich text editor lol. i still plan on learning html tho cuz i think its cool. ill get out pt2 eventually but i haven't started writing yet lol i already have lots of ideas tho!!! its gonna have a happy ending too cuz im a baby that cant deal with too much angst XD  
> anyways ! my tumblr is @sapnapcatboy if u wanna see me ramble lol


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